Kay sera sera...

confusion reigns...
first year of my college...and going pretty much the way i had hoped it would..but then; why is this nagging anixety that haunts me every single moment? my meter's running low, and i'v been moving everywhere...spreading out my wings, trying everything..but i'm still lost in thought...rdb's line "ek pair past main, ek pair future main..isiliye hum aj pe m**t rahe hain" seems to sum me up....there's nothing amiss...maybe i'm just looking for reasons to be gloomy...the only problem, and that is definitely a big one, is that i am not being able to segregate the source of my dilemma...
probably..mind you; probably , it is my future that's bugging me.
not that i'm unsure of my capabilities.
i know i can work towards a goal; and if i'm sincere, i know i'll get it like hell..come what may..
but the only problem remains identifying the bloody goddamned goal!
what is it that i want to do after college?
what is the career that i want to take up?
what is it that i ultimately want to do in life?
discussing all these with shagun at length, i realized how entrapped i am.
i have no clue whatsoever to any of these questions.
yeah; ultimately, all that iwant from life is respect, money and some time to live my life.
civil services give me all of these.
but then...after being in the annals of a fast pased life, would i be ready for the 9 to 5 dull proceedings of the government office? would i be maximising my capabilities? wouldnt i just rot being a sarkari babu?
then there is the corporate sector...yeah; my pockets would bulge...but whats the fun in having a chauffeur picking you up from home early in the morning, dropping you in your cabin where you maddeningly keep glaring at your workstation all day long, till your beloved chauffeur drops you back to your bed?
business is not meant for me anyways...

i guess the only problem is that i havent been ableto identify my passion till now.
all i want is a job which i want to do..so that i'd never have to work...
but then...
what is it?

Hmmmm....

Have been inactive for quite sometime now.
With good reason.
Life has been sinusoidally fluctuating bang since my last post.
Hitting the peak, then the speedbreaker, then cloud number nine followed by a crash and now finally settling down on seventh heaven.
Hope there's nothing extreme in store for me atleast for a couple of months now. Have had more than enough of my share in the past half a month.
One hell of a ride it's been..and now that the ride is going smooth, i have no qualms saying that i'm loving it.
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Shit.
Sums it up.
Not done guys.
Pilani this, pilani that.
And now even after being selected, we'r not going.
"We'll go to kanpur"
To put it in their words, we dont want to take 'shit' to pilani.
Okay; so whatever we'v done since july is 'shit'. stinking 'shit' i would say.
Thanks.
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Adi was in India for a week, recuperating from the singapore syndrome owing to his midsem breaks.
So...adi ( henceforth : chink ) comes to India and behaves as if he has been living in singapore all his life.
Saale harami; dilli se gaye do mahine hue nahin..aur vapas laute chinki banke...
As soon as bhaisab landed, his bakra beard was shaved off by uncle.
Went for a night stay at his place two days before he was to leave...and he told me he had a lab report to complete before he leaves, else he'd be screwed.
Next day, he accompanied me to my college. We, along with my college friends, went to watch woh lamhe. Chink had to leave asap after that because he needed to complete his lab report,else he'd be screwed..
Next night, he left.
We were chatting after chink had got back to singapore, he told me:
I COMPLETED MY LAB REPORT AND LEFT IT IN INDIA. I'M SCREWED.
way to go; mr. screwed chink.
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Some moments touch you.
Others leave you flabbergasted.
Yet others make you feel sorry.
Then there are some which have the charisma of doing all of these in one go.
Waiting for someone outside the cp keventers, i saw this guy : the average Indian beggar. Soi didnt pay any special heed to him. As i was done with my butterscotch milk, i decided to move to the place where i was supposed to meet my friend. That was when he said 'bhaisab...'
Being used to it, i didnt pay any attention.
'bhaisab...'
I kept walking.
'What the hell do you think of yourself? Does everyone in Delhi look at people's clothes and then talk?'
Flabbergastation redefined.
I looked at him, and he continued : "brother..oh sorry; shouldn't have called you brother...look; dont misunderstand me...i am from a village near Ranchi, and had come to Delhi for a job. I was hit by a car right here in CP three days back. When i came to my senses, i was lying in Ram manohar lohia hospital..but those guys gave me only basic mediactio and left me as i had nothing to pay them with...i cant contact my home because there is no telephone in my village...dont misunderstand me; i want no money...if only you could uy me some food...'
took him to a nearby dhaba kind of place and bought him a thali. i wanted to leave, because i could stand it no more. As i started walking back, all he said was "thanks brother..oh sorry..shouldnt have called you brother..."
Did i do something great? Malum nahi.
But then..had he not been speaking english, would i have believed him? leave alone believing..would i even have looked at him?
And to say...hindi is my mothertongue.
Bloody hell.
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